Monday, August 24, 2009

To those driving around me

I guess my driving is just getting worse and worse. I feel like I need to apologize to people whao have driven close to me recently.

To the driver of the white BMW SUV
First, let me start off by apologizing for the person in front of me. That driver was only doing 35 in a 40. There are certain laws of physics that I must obey, even if not obeying the speed limit. One of these says that I can't go any faster than the car in front of me. I'm sorry you felt the need to try and pass me in the left emergency lane that was ending. I'm not quite sorry I didn't let you back into traffic in front of me. I think it's safe to assume that after you got behind me, then tried to pass me on the right, that you decided to participate in some father-son bonding with the 7 or 8 year old boy in the backseat. How nice that your father-son bonding includes both of you rolling down your windows, flipping me off and screaming obscenities at me. My idea of mother-daughter bonding involves shoe shopping. I do hope my rolling down my window to blow you a kiss didn't upset you too much. From the look on your face it did. That wasn't my intention.

To the county worker trying to get on the interstate
There was a long line of bumper to bumper traffic. Being a county worker I'm guessing you've lived in the area more than a week. Going through a school zone to get to the on ramp, there's lots of traffic and lots of quick stops. Sorry that you couldn't squeeze your county van into the spot that disappeared when I had to slam on breaks. I must say that trying to cross the solid line and the cones was not your best idea. Cutting me off and almost hitting me was not a good idea either. I must say though, your supervisor was quite interested in that call. I do like the "How's my driving" stickers the county provides. Has he discussed this with you yet? If not, I'm sure he will. You see, he informed me this isn't your first complaint. Sorry about that. Maybe you should consider a course on how to manage your road rage.

And finally, to the little old lady driving the large Chevy pickup
I was happy to see you leaving the library in front of me. More people should use the public library. Seeing you turn left, just like me, I thought nothing of it. I do realize we had 2 lanes to pick from. I'm sorry that my honking scared you. For that mile that I was behind you, you couldn't seem to pick a lane, but rather liked to drift over into the center of the 2 lanes. You see, I'm rather fond of my van. I like it without dents. And definitely preferred not to spend my Saturday afternoon in the ER. I only honked to get your attention hoping to get around you. It did work. You got over into only the left lane, and I was able to pass you. Judging by the passenger side of your truck, this is a common occurrence for you. I noticed your side mirror was dangling, and there was different color paint on your silver truck. Mostly I noticed black, blue and red. I was happy to not add green to your collection. Oh, and while I'm pointing out things, may I suggest a phone book? Maybe then you could see over the steering wheel.

I feel so much better getting that off my chest. I've been thinking I must be a horrible driver recently the way people have been acting on the road.


C. Beth said...

Ha!! Love it! Sorry there have been so many awful drivers around you lately.

Blew him a kiss? That's awesome.

Amy said...

This made my day! I think this should be published somewhere, not just on your blog... :o) And I am glad to know that you and Ronnie had a nice time Saturday night!

Strange Mamma said...

Awesome! I'm so reading that to the Rocket Scientist when he gets home.